My Husband Isn’t Making Me Happy

Ephesians 4:2-3: “With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”

I’ve heard so many women say this to me. ‘He just doesn’t make me happy anymore’.  Know first that I sympathize with you, and I have felt this way on several occasions. And it’s a devastating feeling.  But also know, that it is not your husband’s job to make you happy.

Happiness comes from within you. It is not something someone else is required to give you on a daily basis. I am here to tell you, true happiness can only be found in a strong relationship with the Father.

My husband and I attended a Christian marriage class put on by Bridge to Life Ministries. It truly saved our marriage. The first eye-opener was when they told us it wasn’t our job to make our spouse happy. What a weight off my shoulders! I am going to share with you the greatest lesson I learned in that class.

The speaker was discussing Adam and Eve; where it all began. When sin entered our world. We have all heard the story of the serpent and temptation entering their hearts. But I tell you I have never heard it explained like this. God designed us to have a one-on-one relationship with Him. He was in the Garden of Eden with Adam and Eve. But when Adam and Eve let sin win in their hearts, that direct relationship with God was severed.

Now, we all have a hole in our hearts that only God can fill. The problem is, we wander through life searching for someone to fill that hole. That is not only impossible, but unfair to our partner. We can’t expect our husbands to be God for us. We will only be let down.

There are many possible issues you may be facing in your marriage. You could be lacking romance or interest from your husband, sexual excitement may have disappeared, he may not be respecting you, or you may be in completely different places when it comes to your God relationship. These are all heart breaking and very common challenges. But giving up on him is not typically the best option.

First of all, assess what you’ve been giving to your husband. Have you been making him feel attractive, letting him know you still find him desirable? Have you been respecting him or talking down to him about his choices or behaviors? Have you communicated your needs with him? You can only improve your own behavior, you cannot change him!

The only person in your relationship you have the power to change is yourself. You can’t force or nag him into loving you better.

1 Peter 3:1. “Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives,”

You have the power to be a godly example for your husbands. When they see what God has changed in you, they may see the goodness of God and want that for themselves. And if they don’t change right away, at least you are doing what God has called you to do.

I strongly urge you if you are having marital problems, and even if you are not, to speak to a Christian marriage counselor or the Pastor at your church. We can always love our husbands better, and that is what we are called to do.

Disclaimer: If you are experiencing abuse, you should seek professional advice to create boundaries, ensuring your safety. I am not a professional marriage counselor, please seek professional help if you need it. Every situation is different, but God’s word is unchanging. The purpose of this post is to assure you there is always hope with God. There is no shame in getting help! We all need it at some point.

God Bless You,


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